When Addiction Touches Your Family: Fighting the Burden of Wonder
Today would have been my dad’s 66th birthday
Birthdays have a way of stirring up memories—some warm, some painful, and some caught somewhere in the tension between the two. For me, this day always brings me back to the lessons I learned through my dad’s life and the struggles he faced. My father battled addiction for many years, and although he was my daddy and I loved him deeply, his battles left behind a weight that I still feel to this day. This picture was the last picture I ever took of my dad and it was him walking away as I prayed for him.
It’s the same weight I wrote about in my book You Are The Man – Called According to His Purpose, in a chapter called “I Wonder.”
A chapter birthed out of grief, questions, and the sting that addiction leaves on the hearts of those who stand close enough to feel it.
If you’ve ever loved someone trapped in addiction, then you already understand the ache I’m speaking of. Addiction doesn’t just destroy a person—it fractures families, distorts realities, and leaves behind a trail of unanswered questions. It leaves behind wonder.
The Painful Weight of “I Wonder”
When my dad died, I faced a question I never wanted to face:
Where is my father?
He said he knew Jesus, but the brokenness of addiction left little fruit I could hold onto. I remember leaning over his body and praying, “Father, I pray my dad is with You,” while the weight of wonder settled into my chest.
If you’ve walked through something similar, you know the two forms that wonder takes:
Where is my loved one? Are they with Jesus?
We wonder if we could have done more?
And both can break you if you let them.
In my book, I described wonder as a thorn — not unlike the one Paul wrestled with. A pain that doesn’t go away, yet somehow becomes a tool God uses to push us toward purpose. And on days like today, I feel that thorn. But I also hear the message that came out of it.
Wonder Isn’t a Destination — It’s a Call to Action
As I wrote in I Wonder, the Lord showed me something powerful:
We are not meant to live in the place of wonder. We are meant to respond to it.
When Jesus told the story of Lazarus and the rich man, the message was clear. Whether a man ends up in the presence of God or in torment, the message to those still living remains the same:
“Go tell your family and friends about Jesus.”
Heaven does not change the mission based on circumstance.
Pain does not change the mission.
Addiction does not change the mission.
Death does not change the mission.
If my dad could speak to me right now, I believe he would say the same thing:
“Go tell them about Jesus.”
And that message has now become part of my purpose.
A Word to Those With Loved Ones in Addiction
This blog isn’t just about my dad.
This is for you.
For every wife praying over a husband who’s relapsed again.
For every mom crying into her steering wheel because her son won’t answer the phone.
For every husband watching his wife slowly disappear behind the fog of dependency.
For every child standing in the doorway of addiction, wondering if their parent will ever find freedom.
I want you to hear me: You are not alone. And there is hope.
I’ve seen men rebuild their lives.
I’ve seen families restored.
I’ve seen Jesus break chains that counselors, courts, and consequences never could.
This is why programs like Evan’s Training Center matter so deeply. They stand in the gap for the broken. They give men a safe place to rebuild, repent, and rediscover who God created them to be. And I will forever support and pray for places like that.
Why We Pray, Why We Act, Why We Don’t Wait
Addiction steals time.
It steals clarity.
It steals opportunities to have the conversations that matter.
And that is why prayer is not optional.
That is why speaking life into loved ones is not optional.
That is why we cannot wait for “another time” to share Jesus.
Waiting is how wonder is born.
If you carry the weight of wonder today, I understand it.
But you don’t have to stay there.
You can let wonder move you toward purpose.
Toward conversations you’ve avoided.
Toward prayers you’ve delayed.
Toward steps you’ve been afraid to take.
If You Haven’t Read the Book—or the Chapter “I Wonder”
If this resonates with you in any way… if you have a loved one fighting addiction… if you’ve ever wrestled with guilt, fear, or unanswered questions…
I hope you’ll read my book You Are The Man – Called According to His Purpose, especially the chapter “I Wonder.”
My prayer is that it encourages you the way God encouraged me.
That it helps you make sense of the ache.
And that it equips you to fight wonder before it becomes a burden your family has to carry.
Closing Thoughts on My Dad’s Birthday
I miss my father.
I wish addiction hadn’t stolen what it did from him—and from us.
But on his 66th birthday, I honor him in the only way I know how:
By carrying forward the message he could not.
By praying for those still fighting.
By supporting the places where men are rebuilt.
By living a life that will leave no wonder for my children.
Because one day my address will change too—and when it does, my family will know exactly where I am.
No wonder.
Only victory.
