The Proverbs 31 Man
I’ve read Proverbs 31 plenty of times, and if I’m being honest, I used to read it with the same quiet thought most men have: “Man… my wife needs to really lean into this.” We’ve all heard it preached, and we’ve all seen it—that subtle elbow during church as if to say, “Hey… this one’s for you.” But today was different. During my quiet time, I wasn’t just reading—I was listening, and I realized something I had completely missed before. Proverbs 31 doesn’t start with the woman; it starts with the man. Verses 1–9 are a charge to a king, a call to leadership, a warning about how a man lives, leads, and loves. In other words, it’s a blueprint for a godly man. Then verse 10 hits: “An excellent wife who can find?” It almost sounds like she’s rare, valuable, not easily found. And that’s when it hit me—God wasn’t asking my wife that question… He was asking me.
The question shifted from “Is she a Proverbs 31 woman?” to “Are you a Proverbs 31 man?” And then came the conviction: when is the last time I prayed this passage over my wife? Not read it, not expected it, not pointed it out—but actually prayed it, verse by verse, covering her and speaking life over her. Ephesians 5:25–27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.” That phrase stuck with me—washing her with the Word. That’s not passive. That’s intentional. That’s leadership. That’s love that speaks, prays, and covers.
We are entering a new season of life—one that is good and fruitful, but also one that can be dangerous if we’re not intentional. Our children are getting older, and in the next few years, they will be leaving the house. This is where many marriages begin to struggle, because so many couples have poured everything into their children and unintentionally neglected their marriage. But what I’ve noticed lately is that my wife and I don’t feel distant—we actually have a growing desire to be together. And I’ve found myself praying something simple but real: “Lord, help me fall madly in love with her all over again.” Some may hear that and think, “Wait… did you fall out of love?” Of course not. But love, if we’re not careful, can become routine in the busyness of life. It can become predictable, repetitive, and comfortable in a way that loses its intentional pursuit. And that’s often where men go searching for what they used to feel instead of building what they’re called to lead.
Today I realized that Proverbs 31 is just as much for me as it is for her. If I desire a Proverbs 31 wife, then I must become a Proverbs 31 man—a man who leads with integrity, speaks life, covers his home in prayer, loves sacrificially, and honors his wife both publicly and privately. So my challenge is simple. First, pray Proverbs 31 over your wife—daily, intentionally, calling out who God says she is even before you see it fully. Second, ask God to help you fall in love with her again every single day—not based on feelings, but on faithfulness.
One verse in particular wouldn’t leave me today: “Her lamp does not go out at night.” That immediately took me to Matthew 5 where Jesus says, “You are the light of the world… neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” And I couldn’t help but think—what if part of my role as a husband is to help keep her light burning? To protect it, to encourage it, to speak life into it, and to never be the reason it dims. I don’t just want a Proverbs 31 wife—I want to be the kind of man who deserves one. More than that, I want to be the man who prays her into becoming everything God has called her to be.
